How good intentions don't always land as intended
How many times have you contacted customer services with a complaint or issue and heard the phrase “I understand how you feel”? For some people, this might offer a certain level of comfort, but for others it does anything but.
In this blog, I’ll be drawing on customer service and experience examples to explore how, among neurodivergent individuals (particularly those with ADHD and autism), well-intentioned language can miss the mark and unintentionally undermine trust. We’ll look at why this happens, how it affects customer relationships and how insight-led, collaborative research can help organisations close the empathy gap in a more meaningful way.
Moving beyond assumptions of shared experience
Neurodivergent customers often process language more literally and take statements at face value. When an advisor says “I understand how you feel” in response to something like a blocked account, some customers may interpret this as the advisor having experienced the same situation themselves.
This can lead to potential awkward questions that the advisor can’t truly answer. Others might recognise the phrase as scripted and question how someone could truly understand their situation.
Both reactions risk eroding trust – the very thing these phrases are designed to build.
Good intentions alone aren’t enough if the language creates doubt or confusion.
Insight-led tips for building trust:
- Avoid scripted empathy statements that imply shared experience.
- Practice active listening: slow the interaction down, clarify and reflect what the customer has actually said.
- Externalise information: provide summaries, follow-ups or clear next steps, allowing customers to process at their own pace.
Why language matters more than tone
Many organisations assume inclusivity is just about tone of voice. Our research consistently shows that for neurodivergent customers, the words used (and how information is structured) matter far more.
Clear, consistent and concrete language reduces cognitive load and builds confidence.
When organisations prioritise clarity, insight often reveals the following patterns:
- Specificity beats warmth
“Here are the three steps to reset your password” consistently outperforms “We’re happy to help you get back on track!” Customers want to know what to do, not how the brand feels.
- Structured information reduces cognitive load
Bullet points, numbered steps and section headers make information easier to absorb, particularly in moments of stress.
- Concrete examples build trust
Replacing abstract phrases like “unusual account activity” with specifics such as “three failed login attempts from a new location on [date]” removes ambiguity and reassures customers.
- Consistency reduces friction
Repeating the same term throughout a customer journey (rather than using synonyms) helps minimise confusion and mental effort.
- Clarity benefits everyone
Language designed for neurodivergent customers often improves comprehension for time-pressured users, non-native speakers and customers accessing support on mobile devices.
The role of insight in designing neuroinclusive customer experiences
True empathy isn’t about guessing what customers might need. It comes from involving neurodivergent individuals directly in research and service design.
Too often, customer experience frameworks are built on assumptions made by neurotypical teams, then retrofitted with “inclusive” language once issues arise. This reactive approach risks perpetuating the very empathy gap organisations are trying to close.
Market research has a critical role to play here. Inclusive research design, such as offering multiple ways to participate, allowing additional processing time and avoiding overly abstract questioning can surface insights that would otherwise be missed.
Neurodivergent participants often provide highly detailed, specific feedback when given the right conditions, offering a depth of understanding that benefits all customers, not just those with diagnosed conditions.
Designing research that builds trust and engagement
An in-person approach helps create a relaxed and personable atmosphere where insights emerge naturally through conversation. To ensure neurodivergent participants feel genuinely comfortable taking part, consider including:
- Smaller group sessions.
- Quiet breakout spaces for respite.
- Clear pre-briefing to set expectations.
- Space for accompanying adults and encouraged use of support items.
Importantly, co-creation should extend beyond research into service design and testing. Piloting new scripts, self-service journeys or escalation processes with neurodivergent customers can help identify friction points early, before they become systemic issues.
Closing the empathy gap
In summary, when organisations take time to design insight programmes around how neurodivergent individuals process information this can unlock far more accurate, meaningful feedback.
These richer insights enable teams to design customer service experiences that are genuinely clearer, more considerate and easier to navigate, which, for neurodivergent customers, can transform an interaction from overwhelming to empowering. And for organisations, it means service improvements rooted in real evidence, resulting in stronger trust, better outcomes and inclusive experiences shaped by customer need.
About the author
Harry is an Insight Manager at Researchbods, where he works with brands to uncover meaningful customer understanding and translate it into clear, actionable insight. He has particular experience designing and delivering inclusive research, with a strong focus on understanding the needs of neurodivergent audiences and reducing friction in customer experiences. Harry is passionate about moving beyond assumptions, using collaborative, insight-led approaches to help organisations build trust and create experiences that work better for everyone.
